My "new-born baby" semester

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

Alhamdulillah, October 28 was the end of my first semester of teaching in UMT; my first 14 weeks of teaching. As a sheer greenhorn there, MYRIAD of new “things” had colorfully impacted Shayda The Novice in countless ways. And that explains the almost-four-months gap of my last entry, I was so freaking busy managing the physical tasks regarding teaching as well as hectic-fully revising the right mental preparations for my “new-born” semester (hmm... I sounds diligent and dedicated aye? Ironic words for a huge procrastinator like me, haha!) The encounters of new “things” outnumbered my expectations before I started teaching. Alhamdulillah, those novel occurrences were all costly yet priceless to bits.

The final week was pretty much seemed as a stunning denouement for me. As I averred earlier, “MYRIAD of new “things” had colorfully impacted Shayda The Novice” - I was am (still is) multihued with both bright and dark tints. To be very honest, I never thought that dark colours will spatter to my canvas of teaching. But, looking from positive perspective while firmly upholding to constructive thoughts, I see those dark splashes as a “must” to be had, so, by the will of Allah, I could see the significances of having the unavoidable depressing dark colours alongside the distinguished breathtaking bright colours. I should learn the underlying lessons of what both colours have depicted. And Alhamdulillah so far, Allah has made it clear to me. For me, the whole vivid image of the mishmash is just too unusually good to describe.

Rolling back my tape of memory to my first meeting for each class.

Physically looked normal and young (LOL, sorry! I can’t resist not to leave that out, I just turned 24 by that time).

Mentally prepared, but….not really actually.

Emotionally UNEVEN! Mixture of foreign feelings – it was like eating Ferrero Rocher dipped with sambal belacan (do read it with Irish accent as the impact of imagining this would be much greater). Completely weird and awkward. Those odd feelings greatly affected my internal organs especially my heart and my stomach. My heart pounded with uncertain beats that caused the adrenaline or whatever hormones to slide down my nerves and my veins so heartily harsh. Totally nerve-racking! And butterflies in the stomach is just too cute to explain my situation that time, it was more like piranhas in the ileums. Indeed, the anxiety filter skyrocketed.

Externally I looked calm and cool, but what I felt inside was downright horrible, terrible and vegetable! What more when all those black dots of the eyeballs pointed right to me. Getting rid of the unwanted and awful nervousness, I started the class by reading out the students’ names with no tad of intention of knowing the students, but merely just to help myself to chill and relax amidst the unfamiliar faces and circumstances. I taught 6 classes, and I did that for all of my classes. Alhamdulillah, that few minutes of reading out names aided me to regain some strength and some speck of confidence to later introduce myself.

And then, the teaching started….

The mess defines my mind’s condition

I thought it was easy, but it wasn’t easy and shouldn’t be easy. Lacking of experience, I always convince myself that it will not incessantly be a smooth sailing, and I’m glad that I had warned myself that, because that’s the reality. Despite of predicaments that came knocking in that 14 weeks of duration, I do gain numerous of precious conscience. Well, in English literature we often referred this as “epiphany” – the moment of a sudden knowledge you get hold of at a particular time. Before I started teaching, I set my aims and objectives – I’m here not only to teach the students with the prescribed texts and syllabus, but my other major aim is TO LEARN from the students. At first, the “learning from the students” was just for me to understand what they’re lacking of, so I could cater my teaching to their needs, but as times goes on, my concept of “learning from the students” dynamically changed. I see the students themselves as the agents of leading me towards the light. I could see potential in them; each of them is very unique in their own ways.

“Whenever I set myself the task to learn, I realize how little I know and the more I learn, the more I realize how ignorant I am.” Imam Shafie

I preferably would regard what I did in class more towards “sharing” rather than teaching. Via that, I give more space for them to explore what they are capable of doing instead of me pointing them, prescribing them what to do. I don’t enjoy solely being a knowledge provider; I should have less fun in teaching if I just simply teach them. Sharing however, providing me vast extendibility of satisfaction and fun throughout my classes. I enjoy sharing what I know with my dear students. Sharing from uncomplicated matter (understanding that “Red Riding Hood” is not a plain fable, but a story of strong important connotations, and “Itsy bitsy Spider” is not a humdrum children rhyme, but a rhyme of motivation) to sharing on convoluted stuffs where the students need to have the fundamental of metacognitive for them to be able to have mental dialogue for enabling them to speaking to persuade. It was pretty much demanding for me to come out with good examples, but once you’ve nailed it down, a smile of satisfaction will effortlessly carve on the face.

Presentation for informative speech. She explained about Korea. Rings me a bell of my yesteryears’ Ireland’s presentation. =D

The students were attentively listening to Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address (You’ve got to find what you love). I super love this inspiring video, so I share this with the students; they said it inspires them too. Alhamdulillah. =)

My mum told me this repeatedly “Whatever you gave to others, those are the things that actually belong to you. Teaching knowledge and sharing knowledge; those are in fact your possessions. Though you can’t see it now, InsyaAllah, it is counted in the Hereafter. Just have faith!”. All in all, I need to mind my intention, and make constant dua’ so that I won't be drifted away with any evil whispers that persistently try to hinder my ways. I’m obliged to do the right things right and keeping the right things right. To Him alone I beseech to and gratify to.

“Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek”

(Al-Fatihah: 05)

The more you give, the more you get. Even you don’t get something tangible in reward, but surely the for every single thing that you do for the sake of Allah, just be assured that it will later follow by His blessings, insyaAllah. You may not see it, but you could feel it. That’s much more important. As Helen Keller quoted “The most beautiful in the world can’t be seen nor can be touched but can be felt”

I did fail to deliver well in class sometimes, and it had crippled down my spirits, but I do realize that it’s not about the degree of my failure and how many times I had failed, but what and how much have I learned from the failure or the mistakes I’ve done. As I strongly believe that I’ll never learn nor acquire any knowledge if I never do any mistakes. Again, all praise is to Allah alone for whatever He has bestowed upon me. Stumbling upon few bumpers throughout the teaching, with constant dua’, He ease my ways. Quoted from Maher Zain’s first track “Shouldn’t never feel afraid of anything, as long as we follow His guidance all the way”

I see my last 14 weeks as an initiation from not knowing to knowing, a passage of not knowing to comprehending, instigation of less knowledge to obtaining knowledge and experience. A huge gradual transformation of body, mind and soul; the thereof and other few vital elements in dynamic process of learning as what Dr. Lateef deemed as “transformative learning experience”.

As an utter average person, all my gratitude is to Allah for the opportunity given to meet great people; the amazing students and supportive colleagues. Albeit teaching is my forte after four years of training, I’m still am a “toddler” in teaching. Life is a test, to learn is to live. “The meaning of life is to learn itself”- Joshua Cooke. Learning is not just a word, as a matter of fact; learning is actually living a life itself. To be a better slave of Allah as well as to be an improved educator, learning should takes place regardless of when and where I am.

After all, quoted from Imam Shafie again, “Knowledge is what benefits; knowledge is not what one has memorized." I purely hope that the students actually get something form my classes and make use of the knowledge they gained. FEEDBACK AND FEEDFORWARD are two essential cores in “analyzing” my teaching methods. I remember my lecturer once said “There is no one specific method that is the best, the best method is any method that works”.

A mediocre teacher tells

A good teacher teaches

A great teacher inspires

I don’t know which category I fall into, I don’t really mind though. On top of that, what I care most is that it doesn’t matter whether I tell, teach or even inspires, I hope at least the students learn something from me, and they’ll be able to make benefits fundamental to the knowledge they had attained in my class. InsyaAllah! And with that, I feel satisfy. But, is Allah satisfied? I don’t know. Just keep seeking for His guidance and blessings along with constant dua’ and prayers, InsyaAllah, He’ll confer upon us whatever we need for He is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem.

“Be you dust or be you star
To be what you must, just reach out for what you are.
And though you travel many roads,
There’s but one way and that’s the one you chose.”

Yusuf Islam

I end my final classes showing this video of an exceptional average, Anthony Corvino. When he said “Procrastination is the way of life”, the students just went berserk applauding to that. The stark blue evidence that they couldn’t argue more with him. LOL.

P/S: I must admit that teaching had me aged prematurely. I sound so “makcik” in the class. “Okay kids…Allright children…” even “Baiklah anak-anak”. Sometimes, it is unintentionally blurted out! “Tertubik” as what Gong Badok people would say. The scary fact is that most of my students are 2-3 years younger than me, and few are the same age!